Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
