I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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