yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
