im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
