I wish I could teleport
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
