Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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