so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
