Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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