yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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