he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
