I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
