I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
