she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I want is dick and wine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
