Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
