so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
