im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
