Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize