I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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