Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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