Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
