i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have aggressive nipples.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
