She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
