"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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