i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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