She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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