so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
