Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
