are you still at the devil's house?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pants are for mortals
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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