good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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