How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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