another moral hangover. fuck.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
