So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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