Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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