there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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