remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
