help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
