dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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