hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He did a backflip because drugs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
do nipples grow back?
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