I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
