Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
