If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
