Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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