Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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