sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize