there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
