just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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