I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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