i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
