After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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