You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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