i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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