I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
