Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
