she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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