Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
