This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
