you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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