am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
