He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My bed smells like the plague
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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