I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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