So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
