i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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