My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
