Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
