When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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