I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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