I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
