just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
