oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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