Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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