God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize