One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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