i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm at about main and main street
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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