He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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